Jealous Much?

Yup.

When thinking about what to write here, I try to focus on things I read from other people on forums that made me feel better - just knowing I was not the only one feeling this way.  Jealousy = big issue for lots of people, and understandably so (in my opinion).  If you're trying to have kids, then likely you know people (family, friends, co-workers) in the same stage in life who are having kids - planned or unplanned.  It's the latter that really gets to you too, but none of it is easy.


So, first of all, let me make it clear to my friends/family who are or were pregnant recently that I in no way want to make you feel guilty.  Your babies, planned or unplanned, are blessings that I am truly happy for you about.  Please take no offense.

I'll start from the beginning of my own story.  In late July we announced to our immediate families that we were expecting, which happened to be the exact same time that my brother and his wife announced their fourth (unexpected) pregnancy.   I was ecstatic: to have a sister-in-law to share pregnancy with and ask questions of, for our kids to have cousins the same age - it was perfect.  Our due dates were within days of each other.  Within a couple weeks, my husband's sister and her husband found out they were pregnant too.  Actually they found out the same day we found out about the miscarriage - so they graciously waited a few days before telling us.  So now I have a sister-in-law on each side pregnant and due very close to the time I would have been.  One of them almost exactly.  Couldn't have a closer, more frequent reminder of "what should have been."


On top of that, for the next week I found out via facebook or people I'd talk to about so many people who were newly pregnant.  Cousins, college friends, people at church and work.  And while I was actually happy for them, each announcement brought (and still brings) that reminder and little stab to the heart.  It's hard to bring out the happiness over the hurt.

The most helpful thing I've found when overwhelmed with these feelings is to look at it as a hope.  A glimpse of what I am having faith will one day be mine to experience.  The little nephew and niece coming this spring will serve as reminders of my baby and what he/she would be like as the months and years go by.  Hopefully that makes sense.

The rest of this is kind of venting I guess.  So if you are in the same spot, feel free to vent on my comments. :)


Remember my post about feeling like the whole thing was so unfair?  This is my prime example: unplanned pregnancies.  I understand unplanned and unwanted pregnancies are very different.  Just because you didn't plan on having a kid doesn't mean you don't appreciate it.  But in my position, it sure doesn't look fair either way.  We want a baby, we are ready to be parents, we are doing everything right.  Then I hear about people who just get pregnant without even trying/wanting to.  Or who don't want to keep the baby.  How does this happen?

Another "pet peeve" of mine (and other women I've heard from in my position) are the pregnant women who complain about all their symptoms and discomforts.  Yes, I know they suck sometimes and you can feel pretty miserable.  But it rather angers those of us, who would give anything to be in that position with a healthy baby, to hear them whining about it.  Hopefully we will remember when our time comes to be cheerful and grateful during the not-so-fun times.


Sorry, I know this post has not been the most fluid but hopefully it makes sense.